i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
