we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2