It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
