There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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