I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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