You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I believe in your delicious
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
