i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.