Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
