my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
