I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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