I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
