dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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