oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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