I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
