found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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