it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
