im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it