how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work