So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
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i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
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Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.