she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
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I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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