all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
