you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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