i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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