my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
