I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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