HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
