my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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