I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
