why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
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