His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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