I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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