cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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