I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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