She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
