JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
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Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
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Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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