I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
