Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.