Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong