So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.