I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
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well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
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I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.