Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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