Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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