I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This house was built for laser tag.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize