If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
