dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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