Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me

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(815): Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me http://tfl.nu/z1h9

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(970): View more from Colorado

I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.

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(970): I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises. http://tfl.nu/lren

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(419): View more from Ohio

I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.

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(419): I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief. http://tfl.nu/du8g

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(512): View more from Texas

After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes

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(512): After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes http://tfl.nu/v030

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(718): View more from New York

he told me my vagina needed a tic tac

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(718): he told me my vagina needed a tic tac http://tfl.nu/0ll3

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks

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(717): i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks http://tfl.nu/zwks

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(573): View more from Missouri

Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday

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(573): Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday http://tfl.nu/e47n

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(989): View more from Michigan

Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?

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(989): Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember? http://tfl.nu/1p12

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(925): View more from California

She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

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(925): She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard. http://tfl.nu/tszy

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(865): View more from Tennessee

He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.

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(865): He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW. http://tfl.nu/b38y

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(601): View more from Mississippi

Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.

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(601): Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though. http://tfl.nu/pqgx

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.

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(508): Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me. http://tfl.nu/wz8g

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(651): View more from Minnesota

OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.

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(651): OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high. http://tfl.nu/rjps

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(616): View more from Michigan

I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"

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(616): I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!" http://tfl.nu/jxqn

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion

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(413): Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion http://tfl.nu/n5in

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