We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊