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Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
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