I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security