hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.