My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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