If i come over, it means nothing
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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