isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize