You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?