I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.