i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
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You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.