yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him