I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
