its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
