it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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