I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
