I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
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I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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